Acts of Love

I’ve been busy, but busy is a good mode for me.

My other constant mode is personal re-evaluation. A sort of assessment of where I am at, and where I perhaps should be.

This writing started as focused on design, then got more personal. It’s time, I’ve decided, to re-orient my work to writing about design, to fulfill my larger goal of writing a book on design.

These writings were read by probably very few, but they at least let me write things out. I will continue to do this personally.

I turn 36 this year; I alternate between feeling good about this, and not. For better or worse, my choices in life have always been an integration of what was best for me, and what could be best for those I am with. Some well-meaning friends expressed some confusion; I don’t have a close family at all…so my personal responsibility has been limited to who I chose to have responsibility to. I have been more than willing to give up on things I dreamed of to make something work for someone else; and I have often traded what would be a fairly free of responsibility life (responsible only to myself), to one with a lot of responsibility (to a child, a spouse). Friends would imagine lives for me; the open choice I had to live anywhere being a primary subject. Me adopting Ana really gave one friend grave concerns: his conclusion was I would never be wholly accepted by my wife’s family (who would in the end be suspicious of me, or just be viewed as second best), that the child would never respect and love me because I was the stand-in, and that my efforts would not be appreciated. “Don’t you want to live a life of freedom?,” he would ask.

It’s probably too early to see if his predictions are true or not; but I know that my heart leads me to be with others, and be with others. Have I been wrong in this attitude?

It is an unanswered question at present; but this does mark the end of my personal blogging. I hope to write in 10 years to report my friend was wrong; or not. As a user-experience designer, I see that life is about experience. To not experience it, is a big mistake.